Movies:
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
GI Joe: Retaliation
Wrath of the Titans
Dark Shadows
The Dark Knight Rises
Total Recall (2012)
Hotel Transylvania
Iron Man 3
Pacific Rim
Kick Ass 2
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Underworld: Awakening
Men in Black 3
Despicable Me 2
Dredd (2012)
John Carter
Fast and Furious (1-5)
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Battle: Los Angeles
Battleship
Thor: the Dark World
Elysium

Today's lunch resembles tomorrows and so forth -

1 cup spinach (1 serving veggie)
1 cup mixed lettuces (1 serving veggie)
11 blueberry almonds (1 serving protein/healthy fat- I can't stand them plain, so sadly this adds sugar to my diet)
1 low fat mozzarella cheese stick (1 serving dairy)
1 no added sugar applesauce (1 serving fruit)
1 cup no added sugar pomengrante cherry juice (1 serving fruit)

1 serving of graham crackers (I can't cut added sugar out entirely, I have a sweet tooth.  This at least has the least sugar of all of the cookie/cake options).

2 (or less) tbsp thai peanut sauce for salad dressing.  I run the fork through the dressing so I use less of it.  I normally have about half the dressing left.  3tbsp is considered a single serving.

My mother's husband is very close to getting his weight loss surgery.   His son has had a son, and his daughter has had a son, so my mother is often watching little ones.  She is still working a minimum wage job.  They are still struggling.  When she talks about getting food from food pantry, I feel like a failure, because I can't help them.   She's now upbeat and happy, because things are going better for them, they are just... I want more for her.  She's worked hard all her life.

My father is still not getting the tests he should get, still working so many hours to pay off medical debt, and still being a jerk re: my diet.  He thinks all my problems would be solved if I just ate the certain combination of veggies and mushrooms that he saw on tv from someone who he says was a doctor.   I have tried to tell him that there is no magic combination of foods, and that I hate broccoli, am getting enough green veggies, that broccoli is not something I eat with my thyroid not being happy, and that i eat 1 cup of spinach and 1 cup of green and red lettuces per day work day, and that's way more than the recommended servings of green veggies for the week.  I don't get enough orange/red or purple, and he wanted to bug me about that, I could understand.  Still wouldn't be happy, but it would make sense.

The argument over broccoli is long, stupid, and I can't keep him from starting it again.  I love my father, I do, he just has gone out in the wackiness of holistic medicine beyond the point where I am willing to follow.  Yes,  I have used herbs to treat medical conditions.  You know, when the medicine I had to take had side effects that made me not take them.  After I had exhausted my options.

His partner's death is still making him... less than fully together.  I am trying for loving patience.  I am.

I am married, and so very happy.   I have changed my name.  It makes me so very happy.  I had to go through all the expectations that I would keep my name, and so many explainations of why that was stupid (my last name was adopted father's name, who to this day thinks I abandoned him when I was ten, that I chose to leave him, and that I knew it would hurt him and did it on purpose..  There are... issues.... there). 

Still working for the university.   We got raises this year - less than cost of living, and after 3 out of the last five years not getting any raises.

Have been eating healthy.  Moving to southern orange county city means farmer's market makes eating healthy less painful and less unpleasant.  We have been walking half an hour after work each day.  Knee is bothering more, thus proving all the 'exercise more and it will hurt less' opinions of doctors wrong.    Oh, well.

I am not going to be seeing the new Wizard of Oz prequel.

Because it's very existence stomps all over my fond childhood memories.

I was very limited in access to books when I was very little - it wasn't until I hit about third grade and had access to the 5th grade library that I got to read more than classics when it came to books anywhere near my reading level (and I was reading at a college reading level by the start of 3rd grade).

But I did get to read the Oz books.  They were "classics" and deemed fit reading for a child.

And oh, how subversive they were compared to anything else I could read.  It was fantasy, with female protoganists who went out and did things.  Had grand adventures.  Could be wrong, and recover and learn from their mistakes.   It wasn't until I could spend my own money (saved by skipping lunch or earned by shoveling snow, raking leaves, and running errands for neighbors) that I got to read books with interesting female characters ( and sadly there weren't that many for me to buy until I hit middle school and had more access to bookstores) except for these books.

There are so many Oz books.  There is Dorothy and there is Ozma and there is Betsy and there is Glinda and there is Jinjur.

But as they relaunch the movie?  Who do they pick out to be the main character?

The wizard.

This is a series where they can't complain that there weren't female characters.   There was no reason to do this.

So no, I won't be seeing the movie.  I didn't see Avatar because they white-washed the cast.  I won't see this one because they instead of picking from the wealth of canonical strong female characters they decide to start with a man.

Movies:

1.  Mission Impossible:  Ghost Protocol
2.  The Hunger Games
3.  Muppets 2011
4.  Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
5.  Puss 'N Boots
6.  Avengers (2012)
7.  Brave (2012)
8.  Incredible Hulk (2008)
9.  The Adjustment Bureau
10. Super 8
11.  Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon
12.  Green Hornet
13.  Les Miserables
14.  Wreck It Ralp


Books:

1.   Hollowmen… Amanda Hocking (kindle)
2.   City of the Falling Sky… Josephy Evans  (kindle)
3.   The Unit… Ninni Holmqvist (kindle)
4.   When She Woke… Hillary Jordan (kindle)
5.   Villains Inc… Marion G. Harmon (kindle)
6.   Unwrapping Christmas… Lori Copeland (free kindle)
7.   Here, Have a Husband… Heather Gean (free kindle)
8.   Winds of Change… Jason Brannon (kindle)
9.   Alice in Deadland… Mainak Dhar (kindle)
10.  A Regency Holiday… Lane/Rasley/Kerstan (free kindle)
11.  Horror at Halloween… John Gordon (kindle)
12.  The Rise of Renegade X... Chelsea M. Campbell (library)
13.  The Water Wars... Cameron Stracher (library)
14.  Down these Strange Streets... George R. R. Martin (library)
15.  Troll's Eye View... Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling (library)
16.  Charlotte Powers:   Powers Down... Ben White (kindle)
17.   Heroine Addiction... Jennifer Matarese (kindle)
18.  The Mediocre Housewife... Stephanie Affourtit (free kindle download)
19.  Redaction... Linda Andrews (kindle)
20.  A Cook's Tour... Anthony Bourdin (library)
21.  Don't Call Me Ma'am... Anna Michaels (library)
22.  Cloaked... Alex Flinn (library)
23.  Mercy Thompson Homecoming... Patricia Briggs (library)
24.  Wool Omnibus Edition... Hugh Howey (kindle)
25.  Heat Rises... Richard Castle (library)
26.  Divergent... Veronica Roth (library)
27.  So You want Fries with That... Prioleau Alexander (library)
28.  The End of Marking Time... CJ West (kindle)
29.  Vanish... Sophie Jordan (library)
30.  The End of the World: Stories of the Apocalpyse... Martin H. Greenberg (library)
31.  Princess Sultana's Circle... Jean Sasson (library)
32.  The Titan's Curse... Rick Riordan (library)
33.  Crossed... Ally Condie (library)
34.  Love Times Three...  Joe/Alina/Vicki/Valerie Darger (library)
35.  The New Dead... Brooks/Hill/Williams/Armstrong/Connolly/Liss (library)
36.  World Divided... Lackey/Martin/Lee/Giguere (library)
37.  Celebrity in Death...  J.D. Robb (library)
38.  Discount Armaggedeon... Seanan McGuire
39.  Truth... Julia Karr (loaned)
40.  Unpossible... Daryl Gregory (SF Squeecast recommendation, kindle)
41.  Raven Calls... C.E. Murphy (kindle)
42.  The unlikely disciple : a sinner's semester at America's holiest university... Kevin Roose (library)
43.  Glow....Amy Kathleen Ryan (library)
44.  Full moon city.... Darrell Schweitzer (library)
45.  Long live the queen... Ellen Emerson White (library)
46.  Shadow Grail: Conspiracies... Mercedes Lackey (loaned)
47.  Unpossible... Daryl Gregory (kindle)
48.  Ultraviolet ... R.J. Anderson (library)
49.  The pledge...  Kimberly, Derting
50.  The Bar Code Tattoo... Suzanne Weyn (library)
51,  The Bar Code Rebellion... Suzanne Weyn (library)
52.  Dark Eden... Patrick Carman (library)
53.  Pandemonium... Lauren Oliver (library)
54.  Karma girl... Jennifer Este (library)
55.  The United States of Wal-Mart... John Dicker (library)
56.  My Korean Deli: Risking It All For a Convenience Store... Ben Ryder Hower (library)
57.  Genesis... Bernard Beckett (library)
58.  Home From the Sea... Mercedes Lackey (library)
59.  After the Apocalpyse... Maureen F. McHugh (library)
60.  Memento Nora...Angie Smibert (library)
61.  Violated… Steve Gerber (kindle)
62.  Blackout… Mira Grant (kindle)
63.  The Kindness of Strangers… Mike McIntyre (free kindle)
64.  Hater… David Moody (loaned)
65.  Dog Blood… David Moody (loaned)
66.  Agatha H. and the Clockwork Princess… Phil Foglio/Kaja Foglio (kindle)
67.  Nine-Tenths… Meira Pentermann (kindle)
68.  Beauty and the Werewolf… Mercedes Lackey (loaned)
69.  Article 5... Kristen Simmons (library)
70.  Unwind... Neal Shusterman (library)
71.  All the Things I've Done...  Gabrielle Zevin (library)
72.  The Selection... Kiera Cass (library)
73.  Kiss the Dead... Laurell K. Hamilton (library)
74.  Deadlocked... Charlaine Harris (library)
75.  The Witness... Nora Roberts
76.  Extinction Point... Paul Jones
77.  Bridesmaid Lotto... Rachel Astor (free kindle)
78.  Nolander... Becca Mills
79.  Gun Metal Magic... Ilona Andrews (kindle)
80.  A Perfect Blood... Kim Harrison (library)
81.  Partials... Dan Wells (library)
82.  The Eleventh Plague... Jeff Hirsch (library)
83.  Birds of Prey: Of Like Minds....  (library)
84.  Exit Strategy... Kelley Armstrong (library)
85.  The Girl in the Arena... (library)
86.  A Working Stiff's Manifesto... Iain Levison (library)
87.  The Dark and Hollow Spaces... (library)
88.  Prized... Caragh M. O'Brien (library)
89.  The Fox Inheritence...  Mary E. Pearson (library)
90.  Variant... Robinson Wells (library)
91.  Can They Do That?  Lewis Maltby (library)
92.  Black and White... Jackie Kessler/Caitlin Kittridge (library)
93.  The Other Side of the Island... Allegra Goodman (library)
94.  The Devil's Alphabet.. Daryl Gregory (library)
95.  Gun Metal Magic...  Ilona Andrews  (kindle)
96.  Incarnate... Jodi Meadows (library)
97.  Made to Be Broken... Kelley Armstrong (library)
98.  Taken By Storm... Jennifer Lynn Barnes (kindle)
100.  Trial By Fire... Jennifer Lynn Barnes (kindle)
101.  I Am Not a Serial Killer... Dan Wells  (kindle)
102.  Mr. Monster... Dan Wells (library)
103.  One Con Glory... Sarah Kuhn (kindle)
104.  Prison Nation... Jenn Merrtt (kindle)
105.  Ashes of Honor... Seanan McGuire (kindle)
106.  After... Ellen Daltow/Terri Windling (kindle)
107.  San Diego 2014: The Last Stand of the Browncoats... Seanan McGuire (kindle)
108.  Regenesis... C.J. Cherryh (borrowed)
109.  Ghost Story... Jim Butcher (library)
110.  River Marked... Patrcia Briggs  (library)
111.  Chimera... Rob Thurman
112.  First Test... Tamora Pierce
113.  Page... Tamora Pierce
114.  Squire... Tamora Pierce
115.  Lady Knight... Tamora Pierce
116.  Tortall... Tamora Pierce
117.  The Man Who Ate Everything... Jeffrey Steingarten


On kindle to read:
Grey Eyes... Quinteria Ramey  (free kindle download)
The Fairy Tale Bride... Kelly McClymer (free kindle download)
The Girl Who Couldn't Say No... Tracey Engelbrecht (free kindle download)
Demon Girl... Penelope Fletcher (free kindle download)
How to Succeed in Evil... Patrick E. McLeah
Pumpkin Jack Skull... Jacob M. Drake (free kindle download)
Towards Yesterday... Paul Jones (free kindle download)
Ex-Heroes... Peter Clines
Red-Headed Stephchild... Jaye Wells
Whedonistas... Elizabeth Bear
Alexander Death... JL Bryan
Super... Aaron Dietz/Charlie Potter
Westward Wierd... Martin H. Greenberg
Band of Sisters... Kirsten Holmstedt
To Play the Lady... Naomi Lane

Ketchup is a Vegetable... Robin O'Bryant
The Almost True Story... Rob Stennett



Seasons of Television:
Leverage - Season 1, 2, 3
House, Season 2
Smash, Season 1
Once Upon a Time, Season 1
Young Justice, Season 1
Castle Season, Season 3
Lost Girl, Season 1, 2
Grimm, Season 1
Supernatural, Season 7
Glee, Season 3
--------------------------------
Shows watching by myself -
H2O: Just Add Water - Season 1
Terra Nova - Season 1
House - Season 3

Shows watching with BF
Leverage - Season 4
Nikita - Season 1
Fairy Tail - all of it
Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Season 2
Young Justice, Season 2
Bones, Season 1

So, discussion with a friend where she's upset with me beause I am beginning to lose my interest in the Marvel Cinema Universe as they start getting rid of the few female characters they have.

I expressed that I was done spending time/energy/money on things that don't have a decent female representation these days.  (This is mainly TV - I don't even miss Supernatural at this point).  I realize by now that TV Shows and Movies aren't going to listen to me.  I want to see women.  I want to see minorities.  In numbers that actually represent their demograhics. 

She brought up the L Word.  Because my point that most TV shows are 4:1 men to women means that she has to bring up the fact that the L Word never brought in a "token" gay male couple.

Because, yes, my discussion of TV in general and his skewed demographics in lead characters had to devolve into how it's really all fair because of one niche TV show specifically about lesbians.  In other words, what about the poor men.

Which means I am not going to see Iron Man 3, as it was the cause of this argument and now I am just incoherently wanting to employ the fist of rage.
I am not going to be able to watch a moview here they get rid of the one female character in the movie set that is consistently there, to replace it with a character that will be there for one movie.

(this brought to you by rumors that Pepper dies/leaves Tony; Jane isn't in Thor 2, and there will be no Black Widow movie.  Marvel can bite me).

1.  Yes, I have had it confirmed that Pepper either dies or her and Tony break up in the new Iron Man 3 move.
        These leaves the remaining female character of Black Widow.  Perhaps Darcy if the rumors that she has a role in Thor 2.
        I was willing to put up with the MCU being mostly male, up until the point where they started getting rid of the female characters they had. 

2.  Gail Simone was fired from Batgirl - over email.  DC was already getting blasted for its derth of female writers and its decision to revert Batgirl back to Barbara Gordon and have her heal from the injury that put her into the wheelchair.  Many gave it the title a shot because they hired Gail Simone, who is well known for her run on Birds of Prey.  So, yeah, DC also has pissed me off today.

3.  Jean Grey is alive again.  Seriously.  This sucks.

4.  Glee was horrible this week.  Arrows was not on par. Revenge was awesome.  It seems like of my three shows, only one can be awesome at a time.  And there was no Revenge to take the bad taste that glee left in my mouth.

Still doing research on who and what to vote for.  There's always one Prop that doesn't say what I think it says when I first read it - haven't found that one this year.

I am seriously irked at the County I am in, for the early voting number of days and hours was a joke.   I normally try to do early voting, and this year?  This year the times were so very limited that due to the whole moving thing, I was not able to.  Which means I have to take time off work.   I am just going to have to be grateful that my work actually lets me take time off to go vote (though this makes me angry about, but what about the people who can't? - and yes, I know the law says you can take 2 hours off before or after - but the reality is if your employer says no, and you would like to keep your job, you can't).

We are unpacked.  The thought that we will have to do this again in three months is rather scary.

It's the Equinox, we are in the limnal spaces.

How fitting that I saw the Endeavor today.

They are retiring the space shuttle to the California Science Center.  It's by the campus.

They flew the Endeavor over several Los Angelan sites today, and one of the was supposed to the science center and the city hall.  I work downtown.

So, my department was planning on going outside to see the Endeavor as it flew over Los Angeles today.

But the Big Boss had a better idea.

He got us all in the van and took us to campus.

And then we climbed stairs to the top of one of the parking structures.  One asthma attack complete with inhaler later (I thought it was fewer stairs than it was)...

It came from a different direction than we anticipated, but someone spotted it early so we watched it circle around Los Angeles and head out to the Hollywood sign. 

And then, I kept telling people it had to come back, it hadn't actually gone over the science center and according to the interwebz, it was actually going over the places they said it would.

I convinced them to wait.  And it came back.

And went right over our parking structure.  I do intuitive math in my head sometimes, and I computed the angle of the Hollywood Sign from where the Science Center was and had realized it would come very close to us...

...  the shuttle flew right over us.  Literally right over us.  just far enough to one side that I could make out the NASA on the plane it was riding.

OMGomgomgomgomg.

It was awesome.  It was huge.  So very, very, very huge.  So very very low flying.  So very very right there.

Incoherent am I.

I got to see a piece of my childhood.    I was extremely passionate about space.  The day I found out that the Air Force didn't take people who needed glasses was a sad, sad day.  I was in elementary school.  Seriously

The very first real paper I wrote was an argument that the Challenger disaster should stymie our space program, because there was a psychological need for exploration in the human species, and space was a frontier, and we always lose people when we explore frontiers..

I was in middle school.  The teacher wasn't prepared for the psychology or the length or the science 'cause at the end I tried to prove that space spurred our scientific research.

I had a habit of being 'sick' on days that the news was going to broadcast space flights.    I watched a lot of them launch - not all of them were broadcast on our local news, but I would fake being sick when it did happen and I knew about.   It was always so exciting to watch them go into space.  I always believed someday I would too.

Intellectually I know the space shuttle was a flawed design, and it probably held the space program back.  But when I saw it fly overhead today, all of my memories of watching it launch all those times, of the feelings I felt as I watched people go where I wanted to...

It was awesome.

So,  Michigan State Representative has been banned for saying "Vagina".

During a anti-abortion bill debate.


I really don't have words. 

So, at this point, everyone who has a real say has decided not to sue the hospital that sent my aunt home when her transplant was already rejecting.

I can understand why they all made that choice.  Her son (the person who donated the kidney) is moving out of state, one of her daughters just had a baby, her partner is having a really, really rough time and isn't up for that kind of long, drawn out legal battle.

I can understand.  I wouldn't be the one dealing with it on a daily basis. 

But part of me still wants the doctors and hospital to pay, even if only in money, because this should never have happened.  She should not have been sent home.  The blood vessel nick should have been caught long before the kidney died.   There are actual people who made actual mistakes that lead to her death.

The hospital had it's organ transplant program pulled.  I guess that's the most I can hope for. 

It's been slightly over six months.  I am still at the angry stage.  And the denial stage.  I simply can't conceive of a world without her in it.  She was a light in the darkness, she had a faith that will always be my goal post.  If I can find anything to believe in that I can believe in as strong and hard as she did in God, in there being justice and love and hope, than I will have lead a life worth living.

And I guess that the strongest comfort I can have and I can give those who loved her.  I have faith that she lived a life worth living, that she made the world a better place for those she touched, and that none of us will ever forget her.

I am getting rather sick of the argument that since birth control is a planned, regular basis prescription, it should not be covered by insurance.  This argument talks about how insurance is supposed to cover the unexpected.

It's stupid.

I use an inhaler.  I end up getting a replacement on a regular basis.  My insurance covers most of the cost of my inhaler. 

Most of the people arguing against birth control pills wouldn't argue against insurance covering my inhaler.

I hate people today.  I really do.

I am overjoyed that it was declared unconstitutional.

I am not celebrating yet.

The decision can still be reversed by the entire 9th circuit, or the the Supreme court.

If I was certain of a Supreme court decision, I would be hoping that they would take the case...  I wish I could be certain of a Supreme court decision.

My mother has been laid off.  This one is balanced by my stepfather being approved for disability.  This means they aren't as bad off financially as they could be - but she no longer has health insurance.

She has various things that are currently managed with diet and exercise.  She believes that will remain true.  I believe that this bodes ill, because now there won't be monitoring.

My father, the good one, has markers in his blood that mean he likely has cancer.  As in "he has cancer, we just don't know where yet."

His doctor wants him to get a specific operation for another matter, and certain tests.  My father doesn't want the operation (it's a doozy) and can't afford/won't get the test that will show where the cancer is.

Because he think it is kidney cancer (he has a cyst there and things that it was misdiagnosed and is the cancer) and won't do anything until the doctor confirms or denies this with another test.

Which the doctor does not want to do (because they already tested that a while back and it was just a cyst).

My father also won't change doctors to one who will do what he wants, 'cause his current one is head of the oncology for a rather large hospital.  

I have tried to explain that if the doctor won't do the test he wants done, and he won't get the tests he needs until that test gets done, then he needs a new doctor, even if that new doctor is not as well trained. 

He won't listen to me.    I am going to lose him because he is going to stubborn himself to death.

I am scared.  And upset and angry and upset and worried and upset and not handling this all very well at all.

If you don't hear from me, that's why.  Because all of my 'being a good person' is being used up by work, and my gaming group, and I am going to have to scale back on the gaming group, because I don't have enough to go around right now.

Music:

1.  Wicked Girls by Seanan McGuire.  This was awesome.
2.  Unwoman - variuos CDs.

Movies:

1.   9
2.   Up
3.   Prince of Persia: the Sands of Times
4.   Kick Ass
5.   Tekken
6.   Percy Jackson and the Olympians: the Lightning Thief
7.   Salt
8.   A-Team
10.  Resident Evil: Afterlife
11.  Clash of the Titans (2010)
12.  Sherlock Holmes (2010)
13.  Jonah Hex
14.  Despicable Me
15.  Speed Racer (2010)
16.  Beastly (2011) (theatre)
17.  Black Swan (2011) (theatre)
18.  Sucker Punch (2011) (theatre)
19.  Hanna (2011) (theatre)
20.  Red Riding Hood (2011)
21.  Thor (2011)
22.  Priest (2011)
23.  X-Men First Class(2011)
24.  Green Lantern (2011)
25.  Captain America (2011)
26.  I Am Number 4
27.  Cowboys and Aliens
28.  Columbina
29.  Robin Hood (2010)
30.  Three Musketeers (2011)
31.  Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
32.  Dylan Dog: Dead of Night
33.  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Part 1
34.  The Spirit 2008

TV Seasons -
1.  The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes Season 1
2.  Haven Season 1


Books:

1.     The Gardener... S.A. Bodeen (library)
2.     Dust... Charles Pellegrino (library)
3.     General Winston's Daughter... Sharon Shinn (library)
4.     Heat... Bill Buford (library)
5.     The Replacement... Brenna Yovanoff (library)
6.     Love on a Dime... Cara Lynn James (Free Kindle Download)
7.     Always the Baker, Never the Bride (Free Kindle Download)
8.     En Route: a Paramedic's...Steven Kelly Grayson (Free Kindle Download)
9.     Ascend... Amanda Hocking (Trylle #3) (Kindle)
10.   Shadowfever... Karen Marie Moning (Kindle)
11.   Twilight's Dawn... Anne Bishop (KIndle)
12.   Somewhere to Belong... Judith Miller (Free Kindle Download)
13.   Hollowland... Amanda Hocking (Kindle)
14.   Rivermarked... Patricia Briggs (Kindle)
15.   Ascend... Amanda Hocking (book 3)(Kindle)
16.   Zombiesque... Stephen L. Antczak (Kindle)
17.   Delirium... Lauren Oliver (Kindle)
18.   Late Eclipses... Seanan McGuire (Kindle)
19.   Heart of Stone... Jill Marie Landis (Free Kindle Download)
20.   XVI... Julia Karr (Kindle)
21.   Among the hidden...Margaret Peterson Haddix (library)
22.   The carbon diaries 2015…Saci Lloyd (library)
23.   The Secret under my skin…Janet McNaughton (library)
24.   The city of Ember...Jeanne DuPrau (library)
25.   Trio of Sorcery... Mercedes Lackey (hard cover - gift)
26.   The Jakarta Pandemic... Steven Konkoly (kindle)
27.   Masked... Lou Anders (kindle)
28.   Jenny Pox... JL Bryan (kindle)
29.   The Mermaid's Madness.. Jim HInes (Book 2) (kindle)
30.   Counterfeit Magic... Kelley Armstrong (kindle)
31.   Pale Demon... Kim Harrison (library)
32.   Poltergeist... Kat Richardson (kindle)
33.   Spirit Dances... C.E. Murphy (kindle)
34.   Dominion... JL Bryan (kindle)
35.  Invasion... Mercedes Lackey (library - no kindle available)
36.  Treachery in Death (library due to Kindle edition being more than $9.99)
37.  This Land is Their Land.. Barbara Ehrenreich (library)
38.  Tommy Nightmare... JL Bryan (kindle)
39.  Paranormals... Christopher Andrews (kindle)
40.  Year of the Dead... Jack J. Lee (kindle)
41.  Apocalpyse Scenario #683: the Box... Mira Grant (kindle short story)
42.  Killer Byte... Mercedes Lackey (kindle short story)
43.  Matchmakers 2.0... Debora Geary (Free Kindle Download)
44.  A Land of Ash... David Dalglish (Free Kindle Download)
45.  Scary Mary... S.A. Hunter (Free Kindle Download)
46.  Sentence of Marriage... Shayne Parkinson (Free Kindle Download)
47.  Kitchen Mysteries... Herve This (library)
48.  Vamped... Vid Sosnowksi (library)
49.  Mirabile... Janet Kagan (library)
50.  Pegasus... Robin McKinley (library due to Kindle edition being more than $9.99)
51.  Firelight... Sophie Jordan (library due to Kindle edition being more than $9.99)
52.  Tales of the Otherworld... Kelley Armstrong (library due to Kindle edition being more than $9.99)
53.  Magic Slays... Ilona Andrews
54.  Deadline... Mira Grant
55.  Heatwave... Richard Castle
56.  After Hours: Tales from the Ur-Bar... Patricia Bray
57.  Heart of the Witch... Alicia Dean (Free Kindle Download)
58.  The Secret Apocalpyse... James Harden
59.  This Fine Life: a Novel... Eva Marie Everson (Free Kindle Download)
60.  The Living Dead 2... John Joseph Adams
61.  A Knight to Remember... Karin Tabke
62.  Empty... Suzanne Weyn (library)
63.  Hellspark... Janet Kagan (library)
64.  Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook... Matt Dunn (Free Kindle Download)
65. Virus X... Frank Ryan (library)
66.  Griffin's Daughter... Leslie Ann Moore (Free Kindle Download)
67.  Seduced by the Wolf... Terry Spear  (Free Kindle Download)
68.  Scent of Danger... Autumn Dawn (Free Kindle Download)
69.  Welcome to  Bordertown... Holly Black (BORDERTOWN LIVES!)
70.  Princess on the Brink... Meg Cabot (library)
71.  Princess Mia... Meg Cabot (library)
72.  Forever Princess... Meg Cabot (library)
73.  The 6th Level... James Harden
74.  You've Gone Too Far This Time... Danny Bent (Free Kindle Download)
75.  Countdown... MIra Grant
76.  Cruise Confidential... Brian David Burns (library)
77.  To Be Real... Rebecca Walker (library)
78,  Waiter Rant... Steve Dublanica (library)
79.  The False Princess... Eilis O'Neal (library)
80.  Bumped... Megan McCafferty (library)
81.  Naked Heat... Richard Castle (library)
82.  Father and Sons... Ilona Andrews (Curran Vol II)
83.  Wearing the Cape... Marion G. Harmon
84.  Surviving the Fog... Stan Morris (Free Kindle Download)
85.  Survivors... Sophie Littlefield ((Free Kindle Download - pre-series)
86.  the Year We Finally Solved Everything... Rudolf Kerhoven (Free Kindle Download)
87.  Dead Reckoning... Charlaine Harris (library)
88.  Hit List... Laurell K. Hamilton (library)
89.  Being Nikki... Meg Cabot (library)
90.  Pariah... Bob Fingerman (library)
91.  Spellbound... Kelley Armstrong (library)
92.  Chimera... Rob Thurman
93.  To be or not to be Amish: Rumspringa... Tom Shachtman (library)
94.  Into the Shadows... Karly Kirkpatrick (Free Kindle Download - pre-series)
95.  Eden.. Keary Taylor
96.  The Fallen.. Liz Braswell
97.  The Stolen... Liz Braswell
98.  The Chosen... Liz Braswell
99.  Dark Tomorrows... Amanda Hocking
100.  One Salt Sea... Seanan McGuire
101.  The Ultimate Choice... Lisa C. Hinsley
102.  Miss Match... Erynn Mangum (Free Kindle Download - pre-series)
103.  Airhead... Meg Cabot (library)
104.  Runaway... Meg Cabot (library)
105.  Ghost Story... Jim Butcher (library)
106.  Adoration of Jenna Fox... Mary Pearson (library)
107.  How to be Popular... Meg Cabot (library)
108.  Who Can Save Us Now...  Owen King/John McNally (library)
109.  Thirteenth Child... Patricia Wrede (library)
110.  The Good, the Bad, and the Uncanny... Simon R. Green (library)
111.  Strike a Pose... Mercedes Lackey (kindle)
112.  For Time and Eternity... Allison Pittman (Free Kindle Download)
113.  Silver Shark... Ilona Andrews (kindle)
114.  Agatha H and the Airship...  Phil Foglio (kindle)
115.  Wool... Hugh Howey (kindle)
116.  Confessions of a D-List Supervillain... Jim Bernheimer (kindle)
117.  Discord's Apple... Carrie Vaughn (library)
118.  Gone... Michael Grant (library)
119.  After the Golden Age... Carrie Vaughn (library)
120.  Once Dead, Twice Shy... Kim Harrison (library)
121.  The Other Side... Robb/Blayney/Gaffney/Langan/McComas (library)
122.  The Curfew... Jesse Ball (library)
123.  A Hard Day's Knight... Simon R. Green (library)
124.  Room... Emma Donoghue (library)
125.  Scored.... Lauren McLaughlin (library)
126.  Child of Darkness... V.C. Andrews (library)
127.  Human 4... Mike A. Lancaster (library)
128.  Julie & Julia... Julie Powell (library)
129.  A Regency Holiday...  Allison Lane (free kindle download)
130.  Before the Season Ends... Linore Rose Burkard (free kindle download)
131.  Blink... Bradley Convissar
132.  In Hero Years... I'm Dead ... Michael Stackpole
133.  Strike a Pose... Mercedes Lackey
134.  Dark Tomorrows... Amanda Hocking



To Read:


A Victorian Christmas... Catherine Palmer (free kindle download)
Grey Eyes... Quinteria Ramey  (free kindle download)
The Fairy Tale Bride... Kelly McClymer (free kindle download)
The Girl Who Couldn't Say No... Tracey Engelbrecht (free kindle download)
Demon Girl... Penelope Fletcher (free kindle download)
How to Succeed in Evil... Patrick E. McLeah
Pumpkin Jack Skull... Jacob M. Drake (free kindle download)
Horror at Halloween... John Gordon
Towards Yesterday... Paul Jones (free kindle download)
We Are the Monsters... Aaron Poison  (free kindle download)
Home Improvement... Charlaine Harris
A Chance In Time... Ruth Ann Nordin (free kindle download)
Ex-Heroes... Peter Clines
Maid for the Billionaire... Ruth Cardello (free kindle download)
Portal... Rose Imogen (free kindle download)
Hybrid... Brian O'Grady (free kindle download)
The Charmer... Autumn Dawn (free kindle download)
Red-Headed Stephchild... Jaye Wells
Whedonistas... Elizabeth Bear

My Aunt Dot died on Saturday.  I just found out today, due to my phone being destroyed last week, and my new phone just came late this afternoon.

Dot was like a second mother to me.

The funereal is tomorrow.  I am going to miss it, it would be impossible to get plane tickets at this late date time that would get me there in time. 

I am mourning, I am angry, I am in shock. 

It is the dark part of the year, the time between Halloween and the longest day.  The time when I examine myself, my life, the difference between I believe and what is true, and hope there isn't much difference there.

It's the time of self-examination, and sadly, often of self-doubt.

I was reading Slacktivist, and one of the bloggers stated -

"If I really believed in God as the Catholic Church understands him, I would find myself compelled to oppose him."

They were discussing their lapsed Catholicism, and the attempts to reason with their brother. 

It struck a cord in me.  I have struggled with my faith, with my belief in God for many years now.  And what it boils down to is this.

If God is the God of my childhood, the God that my relatives believe in, I would find myself compelled to oppose him.   I can't believe in a God that has an eternal Hell, but because I can't worship that God.  But Hell is so tied into what have I have been taught, it is hard for me to have a Christianity that doesn't include it. 

And if I do find a path that has a God but no Hell, my relatives will feel the need to work towards my salvation, as such a thing would be too blasphemous for them to understand.

I am just now coming to that realization.  If I find a path that I can live with, they will not be able to join me on it. 

I want to cry, but I don't  have any reason to except stress.  Stress from work, stress from the Boy's work, stress from being driving and trying to get better - but not being able to pay attention to the road and find anyplace I haven't been by surface streets repeatedly without driving. 

Today I will go watch Teen Titans and the Middleman with friends. 

Tomorrow I will go look at Halloween things, wear my Halloween socks, do some grocery shopping, and maybe make some Halloween foods.

I still have apples, lots and lots of apples and this makes me happy.  I know have four pairs of Halloween socks (CVS had them 2 for $5, then I had $5 free CVS bucks, so I bought 2 pair and got 2 pair free.  :)  This makes me happy.

The Boy and I are doing better than ever despite the humerounous amounts of stress that are in our lives - this makes me happy.  He's not taking one iota of his stress out of me, not even by accident.  This makes me insanely happy.

He's also being really good with communication about what he needs (for example, me to do dishes that include cups today because he's not going to have time to do it, like, for a long time, and he needs cups - I normally don't do them until last 'cause then he will occassionally do dishes) in order to keep coping.  I am trying to be realistic and communicative in what I need to cope. 

Hung out with a very old friend yesterday, hanging out with that friend and another today, have Halloween plans next weekend, it could be much worse.  :)

Got my car smogged, it passed, one less thing to worry about.

1.  I haz apples.  Orin, Stayman Winesap, Pippin, Spartan, Lura Red, Matsu.

I come from the east coast, where apple season is most of autumn, and you get the best apples out on the highway at a road side stand.  And they come in more than the few varieties one can get at the supermarket here - Gala, Red Delicious, Honeycrisp, Granny Smith, Pink Lady, Fiji, and the occasional McIntosh.  Seriously, how can there not be winesaps in every store?

It was too early in the season for Arksansa Black and few others i wanted, so will have to hit them up later in the season.

I have way too many apples, am eating 2-3 per day, and haven't felt this healthy in quite some time.  Apparently tikiera's run on apples, and well, I got sick of Granny Smiths, Honeycrisps, and Pink Ladys (the only ones I like of that which is commonly in stock).

Mmmm.... Orins and Winesaps.  I have had three apples today.  I don't need to eat anymore.  But I might still...

Can you get sick from eating to many apples?

2.  Life continues to like to hit me upside the head and shoulders, but it's just a mild beating compared to the month where my step-father came within a hair of a heart attack, my aunt went back into the hospital, and my father lost his partner of 30 years.  Seriously, I am good.  Stressed, but not nearly as stressed as that month.  October comes with soothing, soothing Halloween, so as long as the world doesn't decide to top the worst month of them all, I will be good.

My stepfather is fine, but taking many more medications - my mother got him into the hospital BEFORE the heart attack, there are apparently medicines that can prevent such, and the tests afterwards indicated no heart attack occurred (there was doubt for some time).  My mother can be awesome.  My aunt is good some days, worse others, but mostly not in the hospital.

My father is not coping well, people are beginning to avoid him because of it (it's hard to cope with someone who blames themselves for a loved one's death, especially when that loved one lived with Stage cancer for many more years than the doctors thought they would).  He keeps bringing up him wanting me to move back "home" and soon I will have to have the "talk" with him about the realities of the situation.  I have asthma.  That area still allows smoking in restaurants.  There are no jobs.  Health care is linked to jobs.  I have been to urgent care twice this year because breathing was too hard and I needed an asthma treatment.  Even if I wanted to move back (I don't), doing so would kinda put my life in danger due to no-health insurance (no job I could find would offer it if I could find a job), asthma, and trigger events (smokers) being pretty common.  His insistence of talking about how much he wants me to move back are painful for him and for me, and they need to stop. 

3.  Reading - Libraries are awesomesauce.  I have read many, many books this year, will read many more, and am getting caught up in the series that I could not afford.  Also have been buying $1.99 and $2.99 kindle books because that is what i can afford, and wow, have found some god ones.  Marion Harmon's Wearing the Cape is a pretty good superhero book for it's price - it's solidly a good read, won't make you think, and the sequel is being put out in $1.99 installments, and I have bought two already, so clearly I like it. 

4.  TV Shows - am caught up on Supernatural.  Am a season behind in Fringe.  Am behind in Burn Notice, Warehouse 13, and Eureka.  Glah.  The Boy is stressed and tired, and that means less TV for me.   See above about books.  However, I did discover Young Justice and the Avenger's Earth's Mightiest Heroes cartoons and they are half hour long TV crack. 

5.  It's the month of Halloween!  Orange and purple and green spring from everywhere.  If they were going to design a holiday just for me, it would be Halloween, and I get to share it with the world!  Tomorrow I shop online for OPI glow in the dark nail polish and black crackle and orange nail polish.  And get Night of the Comet and inflict it on all my gaming group. I have three halloween events scheduled this month, and would schedule more if I could afford them.

I am doing rather well, my asthma is finally beginning to calm the heck down.   I got sick, and sick led to having to go the hospital for asthma (Urgent Care), and then it took forever to recover fully.  Still not there - a bit of a cough when it's damp like today, but I am not using my rescue inhaler daily anymore (or several times a day like I had to at first).  I can't really be angry at the people who go on the train sick (most of them have to go into work sick or not), but what is just a cold to someone else can be rather more for someone like me - I guess what I really need to be angry at is the U.S. system of vacation and sick days that force people to go into work sick.   I was sick about a month ago, and it has taken this long for the asthma for calm down. 

I am talking to my biological father again.   My rule against not talking to relatives who aren't will to put time into reaching me is being relaxed in his case - he finally told me why he hasn't been calling me back - he's working extra hours (which I knew) because his girlfriend (they have been together long enough to be common law married) has cancer.  The kind that one doesn't recover from, one lives with and hopes the treatments prolong one's life.  So, okay, I am willing to take on the burden of sustaining the relationship 'cause life sucks for him.  

Still not talking to my other father, the one I grew up with.  Had the conversation with my mother about not mentioning him - i cried during it, because explaining to her that she was hurting me is always hard for me to do.  I celebrate the fact that I can tell her when she's hurting me these days.   it took us a long time to get to this place, and I never thought we would.   

My superhero game has it good days and bad.  I need to play in order to want to run, but most of the other people running just don't get how to make the game about the players.  At the last game, the setting was the school dance - shadows invaded to abduct people with shadow, light or healing based powers if they had the genetic origin, but not the mutant on the team with healing powers.  That's how bad it is, the shadows went after nameless random npcs, not the player character - the DM had to come up with an reason (that we never got) why they WEREN'T targeting the PC.   

I have enjoyed running the game, and am finally setting myself up a stable of reoccurring bad guys ('cause ever superhero needs a nemesis).  So far I have worked in the Hobgoblin, and set up the return of the Red Skull.  Also introduced A.I.M. 'cause I need a bad guy organization.  I was running mystical games, and if I am going to be running half the games (which I will be for some time) I need non-mystical bad guys.

But when I don't get a chance to play, I am not a decent ST.  I tend to make consequences too harsh, and I start running the plots where I know they will eat the poisoned candy (even when I don't want them to) and not want the consquences out of game, 'cause those are the ones I want to run (I really want players who only eat the poisoned candy if they are prepared for what it does to their characters, but those are rare players).  Half my players can't tell when the candy is poisoned, and are shocked and unhappy everytime.  You would think by now they know I believe in the 'there ain't no such thing as a free lunch' philosophy, as I have stated such, but a free lunch is always too tempting for them.

The boyfriend and I are doing really well.   He's having to work late too often, but that' s my only complaint.  

I do miss my LA friends.  I am still very, very mad at the public transportation system in my town.  It is preventing my visiting the LA people, and they won't come out to where I am, so it's hard.

1.  I have a twitter account.  Yet it freaks me out when random strangers follow me.  I know the things I say on twitter aren't interesting enough for random strangers to want to follow me.  Until recently I routinely blocked anyone who followed me that I didn't know or follow myself.  Kinda misses the whole point of twitter, right?

2.  I have taken to drinking lemonade with mint and lime in it.  This is because for a bit Starbucks had mojito ice tea lemonade that was awesome on the college campus where I randomly am at times.  Said campus no longer has the mojito ice tea lemonade.  Cue me making it at home.  Cue me wanting it work evenings, and I can't have the caffiene and still get to sleep on time.

So now it's mint/lime/lemonade  without the ice tea.

3.  Several times a year I drag several friends to Pasadena to Rocket Fizz to get Birch Beer.  I also get Red Cream Soda, good Root Beer, and other sugar-based (no HFCS for me) sodas.  But the real reason is to get Birch Beer.  To know why this is strange, once must understand that Pasadena is 2 hours away from me.  Apparently, I am addicted to Birch Beer, and my friends are crazy enough to help me feed my habit.

4.  I am the only one I know who can go from 'eh, that's a bit high' to 'OMG, I am two feet of the ground - PANICATTACK!'.  In the same day.  Depending on how tired I am, how stressed I am, and how wonky my brain chemistry (tendency to migraines that really, really messes me with me) is at the moment.  Yep.  I can go from being okay with single story heights, to wow, sitting on the desk is way too far off the ground.    
This can change in moments due to the brain chemistry thing.  Yes, I am clearly part cat.  I can climb that tree, admire the view, and then realize that the ground is very, very far below.  

5.  Last year, I had the swine flu.  This apparently means (according to recent news) that I have some sort of superantibody to the flu.  I can believe that, because I used to pick up the flu more than once a year (oh, yes, there is more than variant most years), and I have not had the flu since I got the swine flu.

This does mean I haven't been.  Oh, no.  Lots of little colds and some big ones.  at an even higher rate than normal.  But no flu.   

My altered human power is apparently resistance to the flu.  It even has an origin story- the 10 days I spent really, really ill and quarantined when I had the swine flu.

I have actually had something I bake fail.  Massively.

Made black bottom cupcakes.  Only instead of cheesecake goodness, cream cheese part is sticky.  Sticky.

<sigh>  But I have more cream cheese, so will try another recipe later in the week.  

I have made chocolate chip cookies, orange chocolate chip cookies, snickerdoodles, peanut butter cookies, andes mint chip, and mint chocolate M&M cookies, and today I made mint chocolate chip brownies.  

Those all came out fine, though the mint brownies are WWWWHOOOOOOAAAA mint.

They were for Fish, so he's good with that. 

Stocking is hung and filled, presents for Fish are wrapped.  All I have to do is make creamed cucumbers for tomorrow, and wrap the gifts for Fish's family. 

M&M group is going to exchange at New Year's Year weekend, 'cause Kitarra's Christmas in January, so it's midway.  Not finished with stocking stuffers for them yet, but will be by then.  :)

So, head cold.
So, asthma, my eternal enemy.
So, smokers, four of them, on my way to work.  2 crossed the street AFTER I did, to continue polluting my lungs.
So, hating the world, I can't breathe, and wow, if I could have breathed enough to scream at the assholes, I would have.

I yearn for the day when you won't be allowed to smoke on the street.  I really do.  I could cope if I could cross the street to get away from it, but when it's on both sides of the street, and they follow me...  it's time to make them go away.

I really wish the Democratic Party would stop hounding me for money, or hounding me to remind me to vote.

When they would like to actually accomplish something, they can talk to me.

No forward movement on DADT, a healthcare bill that isn't enough, more chipping away at the abortion rights, a whole lot of being too scared of the republications to actually accomplish anything - they can bite me. 

I am no longer voting for the lessor of two evils.  I will vote for a  politican deserves my vote.  I suspect I won't be voting for many this year.  


If there is someone that you think I should vote for, send me a link to their voting record.  Please understand that I am liberal, I am the far left kind of liberal, and I actually think taxes are good thing, so don't bother if it's a tea party candidate.

Have found something that actually helps with the Asthma, no side effects, no badness.

No clue why.

One of the Emergen-C packets - the evil black cherry death tasting packet - one to two of those per day, and I can walk for blocks, at a semi-normal speed.  Can get out of breathe without an worrying about an asthma attack.  

But by all that is green and growing, it tastes nasty.  Horrible.

I actually look at the cup and try to convince myself that breathing is optional.  Sadly, it's really not, and something that doesn't make me sick that lets me start to get my life back - it's a miracle, and I really, really need to learn to put up with the taste. 

One person has commented that' it's probably a placebo effect.  My answer to that is that I will take a placebo effect if it means I can walk more than a block or two, and that I can, you know, be outside for more than few moments again.  Don't knock a placebo effect if it, you know, works. 

I am perfectly willing to let a delusion help me, thank you.

Then again, one of the ingredients is at the 'does this do harm' stage of testing for asthma (not even 'is this effective' stage - just the 'is this going to do more harm than the ailment stage').  So, perhaps I just lucked into something that helpful. 

I am hoping that I won't need to drink it forever, that my lungs will heal somewhat, and I can go back to my normal, just don't run life.  The one where I could take dance classes, practice outside, and still breathe kind of life.

Proposition 8 was just overturned!

The judge cited the equal protection and the due process (because of the marriages that had already taken place).

I don't have words, I am too happy.

So, Seanan McGuire is holding a contest to give away an ARC of her book hat is due out in September.

It's a make a drink recipe, themed on the characters in the book...

And I am in the running.  With the Cantip Mojito and Coffee Buzz recipes. 

Here's the link.

http://seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com/253279.html

Would appreciate some votes.  :)

Insomnia has set in.

The natural food store by Todai's had a sale on bottle waters.  Since insomnia often goes hand in hand with dehydration for me, I overstocked on flavor only - no sugar or artifical sugar - waters.

Mostly Hint, some Metromint and some Fragile Planet Organic - which is a brand that I have never heard of.

Which leads us to today's edition of trying things so you don't have to -

Fragile Planet Organic Water - Vanilla Flavor.

 

it's vanilla ice cream.  without the cream.  and only it's water.  but it's that same damn vanilla taste as most of the normal brands of vanilla ice cream - breyers or dreyers or such, not Ben and Jerry's or Haagen Daaz.

vanilla ice cream water.

It's better than the Chocolate Mint Metromint.  At least this one is wet.  Strangely, I think it's growing on me, which is perturbing.  If I turn into a pile of sentient man-eating goo, you know you to blame the water.  

 

The train was late several times last week.

I have a range of hours I need to eat in in order to not get headaches.  

This goes together in that I did not have food stashed in my bag today.  I didn't realize I had run out of the entirety of the dried fruit/nuts.

I was on the train that hit the trespasser. 

They held the train for several hours. 

My head hurts.  I was not able to get food before the headache set in,  and it got to the 'hard to get rid of' phase long before I was able to eat, and get out of the way too cold train car. 

So, I am cranky.  I do not anticipate that I will be able to get rid of the headache soon, as once they set in, they require rest and a limit of stress on my body, and I won't get either until the weekend.

I can't miss work this week either, so I am going to have to resort to pain killers, and I really, truly hate that.

Glah.  Metrolink passed the fare increase.

My fare is going to increase by 14%. 

If I could afford a car with decent gas mileage (and felt like I was capable of driving on the highway) it would now be cheaper to drive.

I have spent years committed to public transportation.  I recently stated that even given the opportunity to drive, I would still take the train 'cause it's better for the environment, and we won't ever have decent public transportation if no one uses it.

I can't stop taking the train right now, but damn it, I will as soon as I can.

They are losing money because they don't have enough riders.  Raising the cost of crappy service doesn't solve that problem - it only makes you lose even more riders.

The trains don't run on time, they don't run often enough, and now they are far, far too expensive.    

I am wishing very bad things on the people who run it.  Very bad things indeed.

I loathe Daylight Savings Time with a fiery passion that I normally reserve for stale tea.

I fell asleep during Lost last night.  During Lost.   Not because Lost is boring, mind you, because it is isn't, though I am pretty much down with the 'sideways' parts, but because I am now getting up at what is essentially 3:45.

Getting up at 4:45 was hard enough.  Getting up at 3:45 is impossible, and my body is not fooled.  It will not be fooled for several months, and by that time, it will be time to switch back.

It is not way too bright when I get off work, and way, way too dark in the mornings, and the gradual change that comes with the seasons would be much, much better.

Glah.

Today, it is damp.  It is cold.

But today, today Chimera Fancies posted new pendants, and today BPAL had an update.

An update filled with tentacles and love.

I have my very large starbucks ice tea and lemonade with one pump peppermint.

I am content.

I went clothes shopping on Saturday - I don't really have the money, but I never will put it as a priority, 'cause I hate to clothes shop (much smaller waist than hips and being overweight with lots on top makes for _nothing_ fitting me right).

Was finally able to find some tops.  Which means I can retire the ones I have that are showing lots of wear at seams and edges (in the edges are holes kind of way).  Yeah clothes for work that look neat and nice.

Still need skirts.  Kohls had no skirts whatsoever in my size except for one very ugly one.  I wish I could afford Lane Bryant, but Kohls is pretty much it for me.  

But I accomplished the clothes shopping, and I can hold out on skirts for a month or so (the hems also are getting holes in my skirts, so I need new ones, but that's less noticeable).  

Yesterday was Brazilian BBQ - all the meat you can eat - and I gotta say, this time the servers were willing to cut smaller pieces, so got a taste of lots of yummy things  (apparently, I like quail).    My mojito was not made with rum, but with some liquor that acted like whiskey on me - I was fine, I was fine, and then wow, I was giddy.  

Today, I made myself tea, and a plate of buttered bread, cookies, and cheese and chocolate.  Then I sat down, read fanfiction, drank tea (still have half a pot) and was happy.  Then I settled down at the window to read.

I grew up in the eastern coast, next to mountains.  Much of the time I was in the mountains.  It rains a lot in the summer there.

I am used to being able to curl up with a book, tea, and rain and enjoy a lazy afternoon.  Sadly, it's only rained during work days lately here, and it only rains when it's COLD.

But today, I had a warm blanket, hours to kill, a few books that I started and then put off because they required the kinda attention I can't give them when walking on or the train, and an half pot of tea, and a couch right by the window.
 
Bliss.

I am going to go back to that spot as soon as my hair is dry (don't want to catch a chill from the draft from the window.    Will think scheming thoughts about the games I am, get out my laptop to write for the game I am running, and for the one that my best friend and I am going to run, and enjoy the rain against the window.

And watch the river that used to my sidewalk.  Thank goodness I don't need to leave the house today.

If you think I have your phone number, I probably don't.  Windows 7 ate my iphone, factory restore brought it back, but without any data.

So, if you think I have your phone number, and you have not received an email from me, then somehow you slipped my mind, and please email me.

The trailer is up! The trailer is up!

More Marvel comic movies!

Been busy, not finished shopping yet, but hope to be in time for Christmas.

I have not been able to sleep for more than 6 hours at a time. As some of the time I have not been able to get a full six hours, I am now in sleep debt. With no way of getting out until my body decides that sleep is good again. This is involves talking a mile a minute about unimportant stuff. Please, if you encounter me right now, have pity on me. I hope the sleep thing will go away soon.

Someone delightful person decided to steal my train 10-pass yesterday. As it had 3 trips on it ($30 dollars worth) and I don't have time to get a new one before I need it tonight (nor the money for a 10 trip, I will have to pay more for a one way until tomorrow morning when I get paid) - I am rather put out by this. I am trying to be philosophical and I hope that whoever thought they needed it more than me really did need it more than me.

I really, really need some rock band drumming.

Still sick.

Woke up and couldn't breathe. The boy went to work, 'cause I thought it would dim down - I thought it was just early morning coughing, with a chest cold, and I should stay home, call Kaiser, it would lessen, and I would go to the doctor that evening.

It didn't lessen at first. I called Kaiser, they told me to come in then, I didn't have any way to get there (the boy was at work and he's in the middle of a deadline project, trying hard not to get sick himself (and take care of me) and couldn't take off work that early).

So long hot steamy shower to let me BREATHE, sitting very still 'til the boy got home 'cause movement caused coughing, which caused pain and not BREATHING. Spent much of the day scared, and wondering if I should pay the 50+ for taxi, along with paying out of pocket for whatever medicine got prescribed, versus not having to go to the doctor alone (easier both physically and mentally) and being able to use the HSA. Didn't budget to be sick, and wow, just going to the doctor this month has cost me $40 so far.

Eventually, the boy could leave work, and he took me to the doctor. Who used scary words like bronchitis and pneumonia. Chest X-ray didn't show pneumonia (yeah!) but I do have bronchitis. Yeah me! for realizing I needed to go in before things got too bad. I am learning.

I had to get a "treatment" for the asthma - breathing in from this tube of gaseous medicine - it tasted horrible, made me cough (which still hurts), made me gag, but allowed to me breathe. The doctor actually talked to me, listened, gave me a go back to work date (not as early as I would like) prescribed me antibiotics, steroids, and a nice codeine cough syrup (which I won't use as much as I _should_ because of my wackiness about addictions and hang-ups about medicine). Sent me home, me with explicit come in if this happens, this is okay and normal, didn't make me feel silly for having come in.

(The doctor was suprised I had not had the asthma treatment before. I hated it, and it made me feel horrible - I was close to tears by the end - but it _worked_ in that I could breathe easier afterwards, and afterwards the chest pain was clearly muscular, when before it wasn't). Suspect should have had one during the months of asthma hell last year.

This doctor was very good at telling what the side effects of the treatment were after I took it and was in tears and panicing because of how it made me feel. His calmness, and assurances of what part was the side effects of the drug, let me moderate my own reactions to the side effects. I don't like it when my body doesn't work right, and certain things (dizziness, lightheadness, rapid pulse) tend to make me panic. I can control the panic if I know for how long those things will last, and calm down so I don't make it worse. But I need to _know_.

Very long time at the doctor's office. But he did everything he needed to do. Listened to me, heard what I was saying (which isn't normally the case - my last doctor downplayed most of my symptoms, and focused on asthma, and I suspect I did have some other infection with the asthma that time, but got tired of trying to get her to listen to me) and then told me the information I needed - what side effects were normal, which ones were come in right away, how much coughing could hurt before I had to come in - most of them tell you that the side effects aren't common, don't go into detail and that always leaves me wondering if I should mention if I get them. I like it when they tell the ones I need to report back to them. It lets me be in control of myself, and not the lady on the advice line, who doesn't know I have migraines since I was 17 and that when I tell a doctor something hurts, it means it HURTS and it is not normal. Medicine and my body don't mix well, so most of the time I get minor side effects, so it is essential for me know which ones are minor (to avoid the advice nurse helpline which isn't normally helpful).


So good doctor. Still in pain, but managable, and no longer scared. I like not being scared.
Also, soon will be gooned, as codeine goons me, and the steroids are making me jittery, and I need sleep so body can heal. So, since jittery and coughing equal no sleep, and cough syrup equals sleep, no coughing, but gooning, going to break down and use the cough syrup tonight. I will do my best not to interact with anyone while gooned.

I am sick.

Sunday, I woke up with a worse than that sore throat. Seriously, it was almost as bad as the mono sore throat that had the doctor saying he had never seen a conscious person with a viral count that high.

Stuffed head, weakness, exhaustian, fever, chills, slight upset of the stomach, all that crap soon followed.

Today, was a bit worried when going to the kitchen to get water left me out of breath and exhausted (fetching water should not require a nap, especially not when just had been asleep) and when the thermostat said it was 80 and I was shivering. Finally got through to someone at Kaiser who actually listened, and they got worried about other symptoms entirely - the throat and the stomach problems bothered the doctor's assistant - but they actually made me an appointment I could go to, and impressed upon me the need to.

So I went. Where I got my very own flu diagnose, the knowledge that it will indeed suck this badly, and that I am contagious for 7 days or until 24 hours after my last unmedicated no fever day - whichever is GREATER.

Apparently, I had to go in so they could check my lungs (I am on the worry list for other ailments making flu bad) and make certain I was okay. Lungs clear, I am sick but my vitals are good, and they think I will be fine. I need to take more OTC medication then I am (fever reduction stuff mainly) which isn't shocking since I don't like taking medicine. I have a warning list of things that send me back to the doctor, and a much shorter list of things that send me to the ER (not that the doctor thought either likely, mind you, just, asthma is a concern with this flu).

Overall, yes, I am going to be this exhausted and feverish, yes, it is going to be horrible and take longer than I want, but, on the bright side, I am doing rather well for having the flu.


Am bored out of my mind during the brief awake and aware periods. Too tired and hurty to do much. Why can I never get sick AFTER the trip to the library?

Just had my bag searched. No choice if I wanted to get to work today.
Fuckers.
It was pointless. They didn't even check the section with the heavy stuff in it.
If I had had a bomb, I would have still had it after the search.
So, really it's just a reminder that I have to give up rights in order to take public transportation.

These sort of things annoy me because it gives false sense of security - oh , the cops searched a few bags, now we know there won't be a bomb is stupid.

I don't mind the sniffer dogs, they actually have a point and I get to keep my privacy.
But I swear, I wish I could give up on public transportation. But that is not really the solution. The solution is to come up a better system then random, pointless, violations of privacy.

When scarlet_storm asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday this year, it didn't take me a second to answer with "Rock Band".

'Cause I am a drumming goddess.

Being a very good friend, she and Tim rounded up several of my other friends who were crazy enough to want to spend an entire day playing Rock Band, and much fun ensued.

There was booze, there was music, there were friends, and one of said friends even got me Wii points for my birthday, so there was monkey-pony songs. The day was perfect.

James called, and I got to talk to him, and passed the phone around. He's way too far away, but working on not being so far away.

Everyone rocked, literally and metaphorically. Scarlet_storm even made yummy cake, and I am very particular about cake. The boy buys me ice cream cakes, because we have been unable to find a bakery cake that doesn't make me wish we didn't get one at all, that's how picky I am. But the cake she made was pound cake and cream, chocolate and grand marnier and very, very yummy.

Jerry and Norman showed up, Brandon was late, but came, Erin made it (in a very rare and awesome occurrence).

I can say that this was one of the top two, if not the best birthday I ever had.

I think the curse might be broken.


I cannot express enough how awesome my friends are, how very loved I felt, and how truly grateful I am to them.